House of cards

“You know what Francis said to me when he proposed? I remember his exact words. He said, ‘Claire if all you want is happiness, say no. I’m not going to give you a couple of kids and count the days until retirement. I promise you freedom from that. I promise you you’ll never be bored.’ You know, he was the only man—and there were a lot of others who proposed—who understood me.” He didn't put me on some pedestal. He knew that I didn't want to be adored or coddled. So he took my hand and he put a ring on it. Because he knew I'd say yes. 

“I’m Doug and I’m an alcoholic. One of the things I do for a living, is count. I count votes: yays, nays, neutrals, abstaining; I’m good at it. But the most important count I do has nothing to do with work. It’s the number of days since April 4th, 1999; as of this morning that’s 5185. The bigger that number gets, the more it frightens me, because I know all takes is one drink to go back to zero. Most people see fear as a weakness. It can be. Sometimes for my job, I have to put fear in other people. But I know that’s not right. But if I’m honest, like the fourth step asks us to be, I have to be ruthless, because failure is not an option. The same goes for my sobriety. I have to be ruthless with myself. I have to use my fear. It makes me stronger. Like everyone in this room, I can’t control who I am. But I can control the zero. Fuck the zero.”