2011/08/05 to 2014/03/14
House of cards
“You know what Francis said to me when he proposed? I remember his exact words. He said, ‘Claire if all you want is happiness, say no. I’m not going to give you a couple of kids and count the days until retirement. I promise you freedom from that. I promise you you’ll never be bored.’ You know, he was the only man—and there were a lot of others who proposed—who understood me.” He didn't put me on some pedestal. He knew that I didn't want to be adored or coddled. So he took my hand and he put a ring on it. Because he knew I'd say yes.
“I’m Doug and I’m an alcoholic. One of the things I do for a living, is count. I count votes: yays, nays, neutrals, abstaining; I’m good at it. But the most important count I do has nothing to do with work. It’s the number of days since April 4th, 1999; as of this morning that’s 5185. The bigger that number gets, the more it frightens me, because I know all takes is one drink to go back to zero. Most people see fear as a weakness. It can be. Sometimes for my job, I have to put fear in other people. But I know that’s not right. But if I’m honest, like the fourth step asks us to be, I have to be ruthless, because failure is not an option. The same goes for my sobriety. I have to be ruthless with myself. I have to use my fear. It makes me stronger. Like everyone in this room, I can’t control who I am. But I can control the zero. Fuck the zero.”
“I’m Doug and I’m an alcoholic. One of the things I do for a living, is count. I count votes: yays, nays, neutrals, abstaining; I’m good at it. But the most important count I do has nothing to do with work. It’s the number of days since April 4th, 1999; as of this morning that’s 5185. The bigger that number gets, the more it frightens me, because I know all takes is one drink to go back to zero. Most people see fear as a weakness. It can be. Sometimes for my job, I have to put fear in other people. But I know that’s not right. But if I’m honest, like the fourth step asks us to be, I have to be ruthless, because failure is not an option. The same goes for my sobriety. I have to be ruthless with myself. I have to use my fear. It makes me stronger. Like everyone in this room, I can’t control who I am. But I can control the zero. Fuck the zero.”
(42) 印齒模
今天刷牙時不知為何心血來潮的仔細的端詳了一下下排牙，發現右二的牙好像歪歪的。心裡覺得很沮喪，覺得拆不了。於是提早五點半就離開辦公室奔去牙醫那，提出了我的看法，沒想到牙醫一直說沒有歪啊，是正的，只是因為他比較厚所以視覺上有一些偏差，我幫你磨一下就好了...(又磨！！！)
說時遲那時快，鋪了口巾就立馬操作起來了，但他磨完後我看還是覺得沒有什麼太大的差別，但她信誓旦旦的說是不是有好一點，我也就腦波很弱的跟著說有了。但明明就是有點歪歪的啊，隔天我問了牙套前輩師珊迪她看了看也是覺得有點歪，但若是正面看其實是被上排蓋住所以看不出什麼差異。但自己張大嘴巴看時就一清二楚了。
接著印模，先用軟臘印上下咬合，然後用軟軟類似黏土的材質的東西印上下排的牙齒位置。放進去時要把嘴唇用力掀開，有點想吐，拼命壓抑想吐的感覺，一直默背捷運的站名和想一些無關緊要的畫面分散自己的注意力。印下排時就沒那麼想吐，但張大嘴低頭不能動，口水一直流出來到紙巾上。
最後牙助綁好線後醫生來看看，又開始說要調咬合，牙助抽水的管子捅的太深，我頭一直縮。醫生操作了一陣子後，突然下了一個奇怪的結論，問我是不是都只吃很軟的東西，吃東西很快，不會細細咀嚼？我不知道怎麼回答。她接著又說，左後方的臼齒有一個洞，她一直想調整，但受限於牙齒的型狀和位置一直沒有很好的表現。然後我的咬合一直達不到她想要的情形，就浮浮的，有時候是患者本身的咬合力，這沒有辦法透過矯正顯現出來，就是要自己慢慢用力咬。不要怕出力。（下星期就要拆了，現在說明這些，有用嗎？這不是在矯正中途就要病患配合的事項嗎？）我承認載了牙套後我會避免吃很硬的東西，或太需要一直咬的東西，但是其他食物還是沒有避免，儘量照日常的生活過行。我只能說很無言。再提醒臼齒補的銀粉其實對人體不好，可以去更換。（這不也是矯正期間就可以一起做的事，現在要拆了才說兩顆未爆彈，醫生你不免也太幽默。）
這場旅程，雖不是百分百完美，終於看到一點盡頭的曙光。
說時遲那時快，鋪了口巾就立馬操作起來了，但他磨完後我看還是覺得沒有什麼太大的差別，但她信誓旦旦的說是不是有好一點，我也就腦波很弱的跟著說有了。但明明就是有點歪歪的啊，隔天我問了牙套前輩師珊迪她看了看也是覺得有點歪，但若是正面看其實是被上排蓋住所以看不出什麼差異。但自己張大嘴巴看時就一清二楚了。
接著印模，先用軟臘印上下咬合，然後用軟軟類似黏土的材質的東西印上下排的牙齒位置。放進去時要把嘴唇用力掀開，有點想吐，拼命壓抑想吐的感覺，一直默背捷運的站名和想一些無關緊要的畫面分散自己的注意力。印下排時就沒那麼想吐，但張大嘴低頭不能動，口水一直流出來到紙巾上。
最後牙助綁好線後醫生來看看，又開始說要調咬合，牙助抽水的管子捅的太深，我頭一直縮。醫生操作了一陣子後，突然下了一個奇怪的結論，問我是不是都只吃很軟的東西，吃東西很快，不會細細咀嚼？我不知道怎麼回答。她接著又說，左後方的臼齒有一個洞，她一直想調整，但受限於牙齒的型狀和位置一直沒有很好的表現。然後我的咬合一直達不到她想要的情形，就浮浮的，有時候是患者本身的咬合力，這沒有辦法透過矯正顯現出來，就是要自己慢慢用力咬。不要怕出力。（下星期就要拆了，現在說明這些，有用嗎？這不是在矯正中途就要病患配合的事項嗎？）我承認載了牙套後我會避免吃很硬的東西，或太需要一直咬的東西，但是其他食物還是沒有避免，儘量照日常的生活過行。我只能說很無言。再提醒臼齒補的銀粉其實對人體不好，可以去更換。（這不也是矯正期間就可以一起做的事，現在要拆了才說兩顆未爆彈，醫生你不免也太幽默。）
這場旅程，雖不是百分百完美，終於看到一點盡頭的曙光。
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